At the moment

At the moment Natalie is asleep and I'm listening to Fernando Ortega which I just downloaded legally (since I'm in Canada) and I keep thinking that I need to be in full time ministry as I have always thought, I'm just really fed up because I don't know how to get my foot in the door. It's frustrating when you spend four years at Bible college and no one will hire you for what you want. I mean if I was in it for the money I would never have gone to Bible college. Before I came I used to listen to Christian music, thrive on Bible studies and just spending my company with other Christians. It's odd how it works because after coming to Prairie you get jaded a little by school and suddenly over time you just lose your enthusiasm. You realize not all institutions are perfect, that God's plans often involve mismanagement to some degree and almost always his plans involves more patience then is often bearable. Lately I've been torn because I've really wanted to have my loan paid off by august, I wanted either to be back in school in sept. or working somewhere meaningful full-time, or at least somewhere that seemed meaningful to me. I'm sure his plan for me will eventually prove that my time at Prairie was useful. It just seems sad to me right now that it hasn't been applied in a lot of ways. Working in the oil patch has been an education in reality in a lot of ways though. I've forgotten how sad a lot of the world is and how much need there is with divorces, loss of family and how since the majority is lost itself there isn't anything for it to be optimistic about. The next day may be well and good, but what do the good days amount to? does it mean that you had a good life? because your days were good? often that's what people will tell you except most people don't control there own days they're external things, uncontrollable. So what really constitutes a good life, what makes anything good or valuable apart from God? in a world today that denys religion its pathetic what constitutes happiness: Its nothing but drugs, pornagraphy, booze and money all of which is empty and meaningless. People may not say it but its what they practice, one of the welders at work goes to the strippers in the evenings, another gets drunk and is hung over at work, other guys will be passing around dirty pictures and all of them are workaholics trying to "get ahead," whatever that means. What does love and forgiveness mean to these people I wonder? that's probably a concept that they've never even heard of. I think I'll be praying for the guys and few girls out in the oil patch a bit more.